Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Toaster War

Inside every household there are unspoken, deadly wars. Years ago, a girl I lived with refused to wash any dish she hadn't used. So she would clean up after herself and ignore anything else in the kitchen. I thought it was normal to wash everything in sight but gradually became aware that this wasn't being reciprocated. So I began pointedly ignoring her stuff. We were cordial and friendly in every other respect, but the dish saga built up and up, underneath the surface, like a volcano waiting to blow. Eventually a mutual friend stepped in and peace and normal washing were restored.

Which is why I burst out laughing when I read this article by Danny Katz earlier this year. It summed up every petty domestic dispute I've been involved in over the years. Even Figman was amused, and also alarmed that there were other People Like Us out there. But it hasn't brought about a detente in this place - oh no.

We have long been waging the Toaster War you see. I bought a new toaster a while ago and it's great - even browning, lifter to get those tricky crumpets and muffins out, defrost control. And 2 is the perfect setting for me. Great for toast, and sourdough takes 2 goes but comes out crunchy and not in the slightest bit burnt. Figman, however, is a tad more impatient. (Possibly because he has a more pressing need to get out of the house in the mornings.) So he whacks it up to 4, cancels when his toast looks done and leaves the dial there. Therein lies the rub. I come along innocently, pop my bread in, wander off to check my emails or find some jam, only to smell toast burning. From the very last of the bread in the house. This does not please me and leads to curt discussions about toaster settings but nothing changes.

If I were petty and living in a share house again, I'd buy my own toaster and hide it in my wardrobe or somewher equally unsavoury, but I'm beyond that now. I'd just like unburnt toast. Is this too much to ask?

8 Comments:

At 4:04 PM, Blogger Lazy cow said...

Thanks for the link. I love Danny Katz. Have you read his book "Spit the Dummy"? It's about his experiences as a father. V. funny.

 
At 9:19 PM, Blogger kathrynoh said...

I never wash my housemates dishes either - even if they are in the sink, I move them to the bench and wash my own stuff. I figure if I start washing their dishes, I'd have to do it all the time (plus do everything else for them).

But then I have exceptionally awful housemates.

 
At 9:20 PM, Blogger Zarah Maria said...

LOL, that awas one funny article! And a classic, the toaster war - now you got me thinking if Martin and I have one...:-)

 
At 6:48 PM, Blogger cin said...

good to have you back! now I'm going back to that link to read the article...

 
At 10:44 AM, Blogger neil said...

Phew, I was holding my breath wondering if you were coming back, now I can breathe! I usually get my beloved with the crumpet setting. You know the thing, burnt one side uncooked the other.

 
At 2:15 PM, Anonymous Barbara said...

I can totally sympathise with you Plum. This happens in our household too.

 
At 8:10 PM, Blogger Lushlife said...

Not the toaster, but we have a different approach to cooking he cooks everything full bore and manages to nearly always scorch our Escofier pans. These are are copper based I say time and time again and don't need such a high heat! I think we need different sets of pans

 
At 12:17 AM, Anonymous Y said...

Luckily in my household, we can agree on the toaster setting, but I hate the crumbs he leaves behind. Horrible, a crumb-riddled toaster! .. like the ashes of past pieces of bread.

 

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